what am I even doing?

*06.15 pm* I really just need to vent out today.

Last week I bought my domain (finally!), now I just have to figure out the hosting, transfer, etc. Basically, the tech stuff which I’m clueless about and don’t want to end up spending more than I should. So here’s a public announcement – Developers Wanted (preferable if a friend of a friend and genuinely smart)

After spending an hour at the Cat Cafe Studio last Wednesday, I missed my mau way too much and decided to go home to see her. The moment I reached home, I smothered her with my hugs and kisses. Surprisingly, she didn’t even resist like she usually does with her scratching and biting. In fact she just stood still and let me cuddle her for five whole minutes, then she just jumped off of me. Mau will be three soon and she has grown into an even more adorable and beautiful cat. Urgh! I hate to live without her in Mumbai.

Next morning, Sanika (my favorite cousin) and I had the laziest day. We had a late breakfast (why don’t we just get fancy and call it a brunch?) and had a gossip session. I think I have never truly appreciated Sanika’s existence in my life. She is the closest thing I have to a sister and a childhood best friend. We know every embarrassing secret of each other. Despite that, she always turns to me for fashion advice (yes, me) and for dating advice (unhuh!) and many other things. We share a beautiful bond and I wonder what I am going to do, now that she is headed to the US for her masters. I don’t want her to see me get all emotional, and because she rarely (or never) reads my blog, let me put it out here: I am going to miss you, Sanika. I hate that you’re going so far. I will always wait for your text from the trial room about the dress you’re trying on or how the guy you went on a date with, was. Urgh! Goodbyes are so hard. This reminds me, two of my close friends- Rishabh and Apoorva are also about to leave for Europe for their respective courses soon and I am going to cry, or am I already? WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING?

Moving on (and also dramatically wiping my tears), let me tell you about my weekend. I attended the wedding reception of one of my friends. The story of her marriage is bittersweet. It is etched in my mind permanently and it has inspired me in a lot of ways. I have already written a story on it, will be out soon. I’m just too lazy (but mostly busy) to edit it.

On Sunday, I had a really lavish lunch with mom-dad and I could see how proud they were when I paid for it. I wonder how these small moments have the power to give us some of the most important bits of happiness.

Sunday ended with a late night coffee while catching up on a lot of chatter with a friend.

I got back to work on Monday and got done with many tasks. I felt super puffed and productive. Yet, I have a constant urge, a restlessness that is making me want to get out of here- out of the 10 to 7 corporate life where I’m facing the laptop screen the whole day. I mean, the work place, new colleagues – everything is great, I am managing it all but I seem to have forgotten the main reason I moved out to this city – to do what I love- write stories! After almost a year of adjusting in a corporate job, and now joining another one, I feel that I have lost my main purpose – the whole reason of coming to Mumbai. I desperately want to work in a creative role and not handle corporate communications, write technical content and feel creatively unsatisfied at the end of the day. I want it so badly that even writing this pointless blabber feels more satisfying than the whole day’s work on excel sheets-why do I even do that, honestly? I need to work on all of this asap! I just don’t know how- yet.

Anyway, have to meet friends from my ex-office in an hour and it is raining heavily, so rushing out. Bye!


Image source: Pinterest

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